summer blagging

There’s something about the onset of summer that makes me nostalgic. I don’t know if it’s because of the weather – the almost drastic change from February’s comfortably cool climes to the scorching temperature that is summer or to the farewell rituals that epitomizes these months – graduations, year-ender gimmicks, final class presentations, grad parties.

I suspect it’s more the latter. I first felt this when I was in my freshman year in college. It was the first weeks of March. I was inside an Ikot jeep and the radio began blaring New Order’s “Bizarre Love Triangle.” All of a sudden I was transported to my old decrepit high school, particularly at the precise moment that my schoolmates were rehearsing a dance number to the tune of BLT. I think it was for something Foundation Day-related. i was never part of dance routines in high school. My natural inclination was forever killed when, after a grade 2 class dance number, my lovely Lola so matter-of-factly commented: ang tigas ng katawan mo. Anyhoo, so there we were hanging out at our sorry-ass stage half of whom are rehearsing this dance while the other half observed/heckled. And yeah, Eugene was there my almost-first BF and so were our other friends. I can’t recall what was said between us but it probably involved flirting, the pa-cute kind – this, after all is high school in the mid 80s. hahaha

Where was I? ah yes, nostalgia. Ever since then, I’d feel sentimental once the hot winds of summer begin manifesting itself. Every now and then, I’d find myself looking out the window staring at our neighbor’s star apple tree and just thinking about the past and how my actions have led me to this one singular moment. At times, it makes me think about the people who I have shared a significant amount of my life but who are no longer part of this life.

There’s thing called seasonal affective disorder also known as winter depression. I may have a mild variation of it. But I don’t think it’s depression for me, though. I think that on these days I just become more reflective. A way to pay respects to actions past as I prepare to make new summer memories. I really don’t know. [shrug]