paranoia factory

So here’s the problem with taking a break from doing things.

You eventually hit the point where you begin to feel as if you’re being left behind. By what? By anything; by everything you can ever imagine (except of course in the household/child rearing department, although that is still debatable) even if you were/still are fully aware of the reasons why you decided to take a break in the first place.

Where does this root from – these self-doubts? Why is that, in these times, it’s almost considered a professional suicide if you took a leave of absence from work for more than three months (sabihan niyo lang kung OA ang assessment ko). It’s as if the acceptable amount is somewhere between two weeks to one month and a half. Otherwise, you’d be left behind; you’re wasting time not to mention the fact that you need to explain this gap to your prospective employer.

Just recently I attended this meeting. During the introduction part, someone, about three persons to my left introduced herself as such: I am ____. I am a writer. I am currently hibernating and I’m happy to be doing so. Two things struck me: I’m glad she’s taking a break (I know how it feels) but at the same time I felt that she need not add the last thought. It just felt like she needed to justify her decision to take it easy. Then again, I maybe over reading or probably projecting my own thoughts; it still made me pause.

To make a long story short, I’ve been feeling a bit restless lately although I have yet to make a serious dive into the wanted ads (if you know of any openings, please feel free to send the announcements my way). Truth be told, I’m enjoying my vacation but at the same time I feel guilty about not being out there, slogging it out with fellow commuters, logging in hours in my own wee space at an air-conditioned office. But I know, my days are numbered (para namang preso) and I need to be out there soon – my mind is starting to look for it and so is my pocket, let me not kid myself. Money or as my little girl would say it while scrounging for coins in her favorite video game: budget, is one of the main work motivators. If it weren’t for our serious need for money (and the gratification that a job well done brings us, sige na nga hahaha), we’d be all taking breaks incessantly, especially in this scorching heat!

But seriously, bakit ganoon? Why do we (meaning I) feel guilty about taking longer breaks than the prescribed norm? Is it really a waste of time to spend longer time on one’s self? Alam ko mahirap ang buhay lalo na sa Pilipinas and I can totally understand how a lot cannot afford the luxury of taking breaks or let alone the barest of luxuries. But what about the others who can? Ang sisipag, I swear!

Hahaha i just realized, if any prospective employer read this, I'd come across as tamad. Hindi ah. I just know the value of taking care of one's mind and body and that means living and resting well which in turn translates to working well (artesian?).