slave to the blog

Lately, I'm having a hard time going to sleep. Even if my body is literally screaming SLEEP (after being on my feet for 12 hours at least), my brain refuses to turn off before 2 am.

It's probably because I've been anxious the past few weeks. The projects I'm doing are almost done and I've yet to get a confirmation on my next one. (I'm one of those people who get antsy when she's not doing anything and "complain" when she's knee-deep in work. Go figure.) Also, I'm still recovering from a kind of run-in with an old friend. Well, it's more like a miscommunication (or as my friends say/sing it: signals cross and loves get lost...). Still, I'm feelin a bit down.

I have another theory however, as to the culprit behind my listless nights. It's this darn blog of mine. It sounds absurd, but it may be true.

To illustrate: yesterday our whole household spent the entire day cleaning, rearranging, fixing and spring cleaning the house. Our housemate moved out and so we had to re-sort all our stuff. Everyone went to bed around 9 pm but I stayed behind to watch 'the practice' on cable. At 10 pm, with my body exhausted from all that cleaning and sorting, I decided to hie off to bed. On my way to our room however, I passed by my computer and I felt a certain pull. Like a wayward fisher folk being lured by sirens. Or something like that. (sorry, couldn't resist that simile, I'm currently reading Edith Hamilton's book on mythology). Naturally, I couldn't shake it off. So I turned it on and logged on to blogspot and as as expected, my mind was blank. But even with my mind blank, my head was still in full gear. It's like i'm being pushed to write something, anything. after a few blinking minutes, I abandoned my blog site.


I then surfed through some journals and blog entries. I don't know about you but I'm let down by many of the entries. Okay, there are a number of intelligent witty sites out there but sometimes the whole thing feels so cluttered, the web equivalent of noise pollution. I'm not dissing and i hope I don't offend anyone with this observation. But that's just me. For all I know, I'm also contributing to the clutter. Hell, I have a hard time writing down my thoughts. Half the time I don't even know why I have a blog. But I do, so there (shrug).

Or maybe that's the whole point. It's one way of updating your friends about the goings-on of your life. You know the subject of our daily conversations. It's probably a good device for a "quick-update-on-what's-happening-in-my-life-thus-far." Instead of telling your friends one at a time, you can just ask them to read your latest entries. I remember joining some friends of mine a few years ago so we can listen to another friend tell stories about her recent trip to Canada. It does make sense. And this was before the advent of blogs and all that. 

But,  there too,  are creative inspiring journals out there. Like this one on the fundraising kid which a friend forwarded. It's a journal of a young woman's campaign to raise P60,000 (US$1,000) so she can join the 3rd World Youth Festival happening in early August 2004 in Barcelona, Spain. Having been rejected by several foundations, she hit upon the idea of soliciting P300 (roughly US$5) from friends and strangers alike through her LiveJournal.  In exchange, she'll do a good deed based on the "pledge's" request. She now has 107 pledges (around P30,000 or US$500) and has stopped receiving pledges. She says she'll just find a way to cover the rest of the expenses.

So yeah, there maybe a lot out there that can be classified as pure chatter, but there are also a number of gems that even things out . Having said that, I still believe that blogs and journals  (and everything in between) serves its own purposes (even if I don't get it most of the time). Blog away, I say.

In the meantime, I must find creative ways to regulate my sleeping. Blog more often? To get rid of the day's anxieties? Sounds like an idea to me :)


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