8.04.2005

North

Been feeling down lately. I feel so tired and weary half the time. it's like i'm part of a race which i didn't sign up for and yet am forced to finish it nonetheless.

is this what it feels like to be an adult? is this what responsibility and growing up smells like? This is not some sort of elegy for my care-free, worry-free (at least now it seemed that way. different story back then), younger days. It's just one of the ways of coping with the many changes that have happened in my life for the past five years.

At the time they were happening, i didn't really feel that my life was slowly turning a different corner - the birth of my wonderful daughter, the decision to finally make a clean break from managing other people's artistic directions to concentrating and pursuing my own life's vocation/career, taking on the challenge of writing for various publications on a regular basis as opposed to writing when i feel like it, violently severing ties with a person who has been a regular (if distant) fixture of my life for nearly a decade, witnessing the slow but steady departure of some of my closest friends to live their lives halfway across the world.

Growing up = getting away from your comfort zone. Each change requires some tweaking on your part. When confronted with change on a singular basis, it's easier to take it in, to re-arrange your bearings to accommodate it. But when it comes in droves (as what's happening in my life lately), it can overwhelm, make you lose your footing (albeit momentarily). you look around you and you're disoriented by the non-presence of familiar landmarks.

2 Comments:

Blogger Candice said...

Growing up = getting away from your comfort zone.

So true. The need to grow demands stretching of one's self. Hope life soon reveals its happy surprises for you. :)

11:30 AM  
Blogger miranila said...

Thanks Candice,

Sometimes i think that these are all in my mind. that my life has become quite predictable (having a full-time desk job can do that) so i create mini-dramas to sow some excitement in my life. hahaha

but really, growing up is challenging, maybe that's the reason why some people just refuse to do so.

1:30 PM  

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