left, right

I am old. I have seen so many things, been to so many places, witness to so much drama, real and otherwise. As much as I try to fight it, jadedness creeps in or at least its half sister “been there, been that” takes a semi-permanent spot on my side of the bed. And so without knowing it, I have begun to look at the world through this lens, to filter the sound- and landscape through these somewhat world-weary glasses.

At this point, there are only very few people who downright fascinate me. Although, I’m still outgoing and still prefer the company of people to being at home curled up in front of the TV or reading a book, the truth of the matter is, I find myself wishing more for the latter. Big pronouncements come my way and I can only muster enough interest and excitement to ask at least three questions about it. Boredom? I don't know. Conceit? Maybe.

I will admit this: I have a love-hate relationship with blogging – writing and reading. Hate it, because sometimes I can’t take the inanity, the pettiness, the vanity that almost always accompany each blog, mine included. half the time I, myself see this blog as more of a vanity project than anything. Love it, because, many, many times, and despite my jadedness and conceit, I get a glimpse of what it means to be human, to be vulnerable and strong, to be frustrated and hopeful, to admit defeat and still have the will to move on.

Just now, I stumbled upon a piece of internet property, a former home of a young friend. And as I read her entries and gaze at the lovely, original artworks that accompany her words, artworks and words written and made at a point in time when I have yet to meet her, I can feel a different sort of respect bloom in me. And I am amazed with what she had to say, with how she handled the hurt that came really early on in her life and how she articulated these feelings. And how this other persona resides in her which is so different from how I know her. It gives me some inkling as to why she is able to capture her subject’s intrinsic emotions in her work.

I guess what I’m saying is that, on those days when the pendulum swings to the hate side, I should not dismiss the people behind the blogs. No matter how much we pour ourselves into these virtual pages, no matter how much we aim to be honest and truthful in our blogs, the thing is no one can ever, ever know who we really are, least of all here in the internets.

*artwork nicked from boingboing circa 2004



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