Do not force the issue

lately, I've been noticing that I'm not much of a chika girl as I used to be.

I remember when I was younger, parang I had this mission to befriend just about everyone. In HS, aside from my core barkada, i had friends who were in the higher levels. I had theater friends. Then there's the sports-minded ones. Of course, i had my church-based pals. One time, i also hang out with this particular group of girls. One day, one of them asked another "Kabaro ba natin sha?" The reply was: "Di tsong. Sumasama lang sa atin."

This continued in my college days and the years after graduation.

Lately, however, I've noticed that I'm more inward-looking. I don't think I'm turning into a snob but it's more like I'm more focused on myself. For example, I don't have a need to befriend everyone in a new setting. These days, I'd much rather we do what needs to be done and if we become friends later on, well that's a good thing. But of course, i am still my usual pleasant self. I still strive to accommodate other people's quirks (and i hope they do the same thing with my own). I still pride myself as a team player. Pero hindi ko na pina-project na maging kaibigan talaga lahat ng makilala ko.

Dati-rati, sumasama ang loob ko pag napansin ko na hindi na ako kasama sa isang circle kasi nag-iba na ang direksyon ng buhay ko. I have learned now that we were never friends to start with. It's just that the circumstances forced us to work/hang out together. When you're younger, you tend to equate regular togetherness for friendship.

Now, I'm not insecure or burdened anymore if i'm not buddy-buddies with everyone around me. Friendship, I learned is not something you force. It happens when it happens.