Chasing calm

Can we just stop and stay still for a moment or two?

Can we not reconfigure our lives just yet? I just want to be still and not be buffeted by all these constant, seemingly inevitable changes that seem to define our lives now.

I don’t know what I have been feeling lately but there is a certain sadness lingering about me. I don’t know if it’s me mourning as I finally say goodbye to the last vestiges of my childhood. Ayayayay. And so early in the morning yet.

I have just recovered from really hectic three months that involved me juggling work, school, family and friends. The funny thing was I never even realized that I was so busy and haggard until that Sunday after my finals. When I told my friend El about my finals, all she said was “Grabe, Earnest, Galing. Naitawid mo rin yun.” To which Buddy agreed when I told him later that night.

So anyway, now that sem break is here I am feeling sad naman. Ano burr? Is this how it feels after an adrenaline rush? No wonder speed junkies would rather drink downers to sleep off the descent from their 'highness.'

So I saw Zach Braff’s movie, The Last Kiss, last Saturday and it made me think about the process of growing up. Zach plays 29-year old Michael whose girlfriend of three years has announced is 3 pregnant. At a friend’s wedding, he met a 19-year old, college student, Kim (played by Rachel Bilson). Anyway, as much as Michael’s life is progressing well, he feels as though everything is planned out and finds his life a bit boring and thinks he's in a permanent crisis and hooking up with Kim is starting to look like a good idea, never mind the consequences.

The act of growing up, while it does not come overnight, is a conscious decision, I’ve come to accept. We really decide on our own: This is it, you say. I am no longer a child. I can no longer blame my parents or my childhood circumstances for the mess or state I am in. From hereon, it’s me and me all the way. It sounds so final, no? In a way, it is. There’ll be times and moments when you can be free and behave irresponsibly. But they are just moments, sooner or later you’ll get zapped into the current reality.

Ay, I have lots of free time and this is what I end up thinking? Ok, this time, I blame Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows for making me feel this introspective. Sigh.

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Blogger Daisy said...

Congratulations on finishing your Finals at OU. Hard noh to balance all things? Sometimes people think it is easy re:distance learning. But it is so much more hard work than regular school. Youre a mom, working, family, etc-- saludo ka talaga!!!

Pang ilang sem mo na Earnest?

we miss you all!

Day, Amats and Isay

4:02 PM  
Blogger Tin-Ling said...

Congratulations, Earnest! :) I guess we're all just students of life...yuck, ang baduy ko, ano? But it's truuuue! Choosing to be a "grown-up" sucks in innumerable ways, but it must be done...Blech. Anyway, I'd say you're pretty successful at it :) See you soon, dear!

11:15 PM  
Blogger miranila said...

Hey Day,

I'm just taking it one task at a time :) 3 sems down, 2 more to go. Hay, malapit-lapit na matagal pa hahaha. Kitakits soon. Ang laki na siguro ni Isay?


Ikaw din you're super busy but we will definitely make a gimmick out of that Trinoma performance. Will i see you tonight at Wasabi? Tara!


6:11 PM  

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