freelance agents are people, too

Today is a Tuesday.

After several weeks filled with seemingly endless deadlines, I finally have a whole day all to myself. Actually, it's still crunch time but I decided to make today my weekend. As part of the day's non-activities, I had a much-deserved home service massage with Aling Lorma. Ay, it was bliss.

Anyhow, halfway into my self-prescribed holiday, I'm feeling antsy. Such is the life of a freelance agent, 'no? You can't really relax and give in to the moment because you're thinking (consciously or not) that every minute not spent scouring for the next gig is a wasted opportunity. Pampering myself and enjoying my down time are skills I've yet to master. Right now what's making me slow down a bit is the thought it's been a productive month (so far) and therefore I'm entitled to rest for a day.

=========

Still, I'm antsy. To tell the truth, I really want to have an 8-5 job, a structured work environment. Since 1996, I've been freelancing and though it's an enriching way of life, I find that I do better when I'm in a structured environment. It gets pretty tiring especially if i'm holding down several projects at the same time but with differing nature. It's an effort to switch my writing self after a laborious day coordinating bands, for instance. Then, too there's the thing about financial stability. You know, the absence of a regular paycheck on the 15th and the 30th. Sure you'd have projects where you get paid for a few day's work what you normally get in a month, but it's all seasonal.

This is funny, because I sometimes think that I got into this kind of life quite by accident. I'm a BS Tourism graduate. Therefore, my career trajectory shoulda been corporate - you know, hotels, travel agencies, DOT or managing resorts eklavu. But then I got involved with theatre which led me to the music scene which led me to writing which led me to do NGO work. Actual time spent maximizing my undergrad course: 3 months (as a temp for Northwest Airlines during Christmas time 1992) excluding almost 2 months spent as an intern at the department of tourism.

The nearest thing I got to having a structured work environment in recent memory was during my work with Isis Manila (2002-2004). Even though I was there on a contractual basis, it was pretty routine. During my time with Isis, I realized I like coming to work and being with my officemates. Of course, there are are ngarag moments, but on the whole i find that office work actually works for me. Who would've thought? Before that, I worked as Membership Coordinator for Haribon in 1996. But back then I was craving for something else so it doesn't count.

Anyway, I'm on to it. I'm currently fielding my applications in several directions. Hopefully, I get to have my hoped-for job (i was supposed to write "dream job" but i don't wanna jinx my efforts) before the year ends.

During the meantime (a la Monty Python on the audio cd of "Life of Brian"), I will concentrate my efforts on doing my projects effectively and efficiently. for now, though, let me just savor my non-working day.

=====
may i just share this Maya Angelou qoute? I just find it appropriate for whatever it is that I'm doing: whether being a mother or doing production or writing. I got this from a new Hallmark product called "Squares to share." Each box (which costs around P40 at any National Bookstore) contains two copies of Maya Angelou passages (this qoute came from the "Words of Love" box). Why 2 copies? "So you can keep one for yourself and slip the other in a friend's or loved one's card or letter as a tangible reminder of your connection."

Anyway, here's the qoute:

Seek patience and passion in equal amounts.
Patience alone will not build the temple.
Passion alone will destroy its walls.